Heehee, Just felt like it was relevant. Last night I made a pizza and ate three pieces feeling like I had said all I could say in three emails. I felt good, but suddenly anxious. Kierkegard, who now lives over the toilet, says anxiety seeks sorrow as it's beloved. The pizza, eaten too late, woke me up at 4 with a good stomach knot. I immediately drank a teaspoon of vinegar on a whim from a website that said it was good for digestion. The warmth and immediate relief was bizzare. Today, I came home from Artscape to cook some more lovely Kale and beets for my dinner. Only last night's pizza in the microwave almost got me. I microwaved it, but suddenly smelled vinegar so strong that I felt like I was back at last night. Strange but a memory so strong that I could not possibly eat that pizza again.
I have to continue this story because it is missing the tiniest bits of hair-on-the-sausage of the nebulae surrounding my ingestion. I can't forget these hairs from the past two days.
Ice Cream in a warm bath- a sweet feeling of indulgence well deserved
a tiny bit of chocolate mousse cake with a tiny feeling that I took a bite of someone's cake by mistake
a "free" bottle of water
a bottle of water with a tiny bit of racism
a bottle of water with a good feeling from the man who said "thank you sweetheart" as he leaned his arm into my car window
a bottle of grapefruit juice nursed all the way across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, with the image of a grapefruit superinposed over the inner workings of the mammaries. I will explain:
I must link the video I saw that linked breasts to grapefuit to this blog because, wow! The images that I saw were so simple; the carrot cross-section looks like an eye, the tomato looks like the heart, celery like bones( and with the exact same sodium percentage as bones, %23). Food is made for the body? Yes food is made to nourish bodies. How divine!
I bought gourmet kale from the farmer's market because it looked like the lymphatic system.
I think Dal/lentils look like cells
Tonight's dinner was made somewhat indecisively. I came back to make the kale and the beets and rice, but I shouldn't have eaten the rice packet of spices. How salty and nasty! I was thinking about how I was rushing. I was trying to do several things at once. I wanted to take a quick salt soak. I found out that the water heater must be broken. My thoughts raced to the feeling of being happy for having met up with friends, and to my lover in a distant city meeting up with friends. I felt the rushing of anxiety only softer, as though preoccupation is a little less potent with detoxification. I know I cannot remove emotion by detoxification. I simply want to purge the unnatural length of certain emotions; fear, jealousy, anxiety, worry. There are moments where these feelings are fair and due. There are so many other moments where these
feelings are out of place and over-stretched. Cooking this meal I added excitement for going out later, I added a curious development from professor Butterworth who I think of as the height of rationalism. He recommended that I consider Émile Coué's autosugggestion "I am getting better and better every day in every way" as a worthy alternative to reason. I have to boil this thought for a moment. I added these thoughts and thoughts about my lover to the meal.
Note:
I haven't decided when the meal preparation begins and when the meal ends. To me, the meal is a definite event, but its conception occurs before its realization in matter. The thoughts that surround a meal, which enter it, can be an entire day or it can be just a simple meditation aside. I am going to work on making a more conscious effort to sanctify the meal so that the thoughts are limited from without. This way I intend to bring out more of what is within my soul.
To that cup of wine.
