The green papel picado falls off of the mantel under a sculpted skull. I put a few candy bones from Alice on a chip of marble from some unknown-to-me-masonry job. I gave a few thoughts to dead children. I did not call up or feel the ghosts on Halloween. I spent the week before tearing around in my mind about spending the day with or without you. I had coffee and I ate a muffin on the train and I plunked down a plastic card again a lot lately, feeling free to buy Girl Scout Samoas and Thin mints and a bag of cornmeal and a big greek salad. The salad brought me the even energy I wanted on monday. The weekend of Halloween was immersed in a halo of sleep. It had been put on a rack and stretched by too many plans and suddenly when the days came they had already been lived through pre-cognition battles. YOu slept right through the possibilities of Paco and the kids down in Soewebo. Halloween I turned down the ride in the wagon behind the childrens hayride. I turned down a beer. I waited until I was with you and ready to venture out for a drink. I Had already spent all day being feline. I had already eaten cookies and had coffee. I was already acid laden. Sure I'd had the probiotic source of life cider mixture, but the processed flours sit inside me like glue and plasterboard and often a deep ache like a pancreatic bruise taps against my heart and liver with a soft wailing. I try to put REIKI into my middle and the ache goes away for a bit. The second and third shakras in my field are vitally limp. I feed them with my own hands and guide and protect them, but they keep getting stabbed by the inertia of being the negative energy hole. I have to put really soft light good things into my mouth to counteract this tendency. I am a healer. I will hear anyone's stories. I can listen to openings and hear the old whispers of your fears and memories.
Halloween I drank a guiness. Old flings posted in a few locations were willing to say hello. I watched you to see if you would flower into Elvis COstello for me. You were hoping that the night would flow into such a moment. I danced alone to Cat Power. At the crucial moment you convinced me that there was more to do. We sucked in soft smoke and danced. My heart crashed around through fears and signals and enjoyed a glowing fire between our bodies as the Megadrives churned. I kept playing with the idea that I have any control. And it wasn't about ingestion. The night was about dancing and seeing your face clearly. I felt love. I felt fear. I was returning again and again to the open chakra of my heart, knowing that I am anxious, knowing that unconditional love is still bathing me from the outside, tapping to come in. Healing is the presence of the safe space to be vulnerable. I want to be that safe space for everyone I know.
